Prayer for destiny

Father, In my mind, I am wiping the slate clean and beginning anew today. The disappointments of the past are past. I am looking ahead to the future. Your plan for me is unfinished. I refuse to get my feet tangled in the net of past failures. I am moving forward into destiny with the King of Kings. Yahweh has pre-destined me. This day I chosse to walk in my planned destiny.

Father, I am the clay and You are the potter. Make me who you need me to be for the sake of Your Kingdom. I surrender to Your will.

Mold me. Guide me. Speak to my spirit and I will obey. Remind me who I am in You. Thank You for making me worth it.

Amen

Pell grant has been very good to me

When I got clean and sober in 1977, my life was in the pits. I was 24 years old with a four year old daughter. I was a single parent on welfare and I had no marketable skills. The last job I held was as a bartender/bouncer. I was fired from that job because I was beating up the customers and drinking the profits.

Within my first few months of sobriety my AA sponsor suggested I try to find some more help through professional counseling. I was fortunate to have a woman counselor who was compassionate and had a good understanding of how to help me over some tough issues. She is the person who directed me to go to cosmetology school through a Pell grant. It was an exciting time in my life. Hope was being born. I loved school.

The car I had was several years old. It had no heater and a leaky radiator. The wind shield wipers did not work. It was winter in Massachusetts when I was going to school and I would get all bundled up in my Army parker that came from Goodwill and cram myself into my car. If it was snowing, I had to pull off the road a few times to wipe the snow off the windshield. I was determined to finish school and I was happy to learn that I was pretty good at hair styling.

Shortly after graduating from classes, I was able to get a job and I began to support myself and my daughter. All these years later, I am still prospering because of a Pell grant. Today, I work as a hair stylist for television and films. It is an incredibly exciting and creative job that I still love to this day.

Whenever I see the  ads encouraging folks to go back to school and learn a marketable skill through a Pell grant,  I think, go for it! I am so grateful that I did. I think I can safely say that I am a success story because of the people who helped me get my life on track. And I am grateful, of course, to the God Who arranged it all.

ready, set, work (please)

I just have to put this out there… I want to go back to work on a movie! Please Lord! Eleven months out of work is a looooong time.

I was looking over some past posts about work and I got home sick for the calamity and creativity.

I do have 10 days of work booked at the end of February and I am extremely grateful for that. So ready to earn a paycheck and to create some tv hair! Seeing some of my friends on Army Wives will be good for me too.

Okay. Thanks for letting me vent.

PS. The day after posting this, I got a booking to work another day on Army Wives. I don’t know what that means but it made me smile.

six foot twelve foot two

I am blessed to know some of the coolest young people on the planet. This is my young friend, Caleb. He has claimed me as his hair stylist for a couple of years now. A while ago, Caleb let his hair grow out from a buzz cut. His Mom brought him to me for a ‘fro. His 3 inch long hair took a nice round shape and gave him a decent looking afro that he was happy with. Well, I guess he was so happy because he just let it keep growing. Oh, he came back every now and then for a re-shaping but he wanted to leave it long.

I sing on the praise team with Caleb’s Dad, Johnny. Sunday morning we were running through our song list before church service. Johnny and I were on the stage at the front of the sanctuary. The light tech had the house lights turned down low in the sanctuary. The back doors open into our lobby which is usually brightly lit with sunshine from the glass doors and windows that line the front of the building. Johnny  just told me that Caleb is in need of a haircut. He said his afro was taking on a life of it’s own and that his son now stood 6 foot 12 foot 2. I love me some Johnny Fuller humor. About 30 seconds later, the sanctuary door opened and all we could see was the outline of a person being back lit from the lobby.

I turned to Johnny and said, “An afro just walked through the door and your son is under it.”

This morning I got a text from Caleb’s Mom, Helen. She brought Caleb and his very long afro over for a haircut. She dropped him off with the basic instruction that whatever we decided to do would be fine. Well, she knew he wanted to cut a lot off this time but…

that right there is a lot of hair on the floor!! I left my foot in the pic so you could see a point of reference for how much hair is there. Looked like the size of puppy!

Now, Caleb is only six foot tall. And I still think he is one of the coolest kids on the planet.

Organized Chaos

If you peeked into the Ministry Out Reach room at Rock church on a Tuesday night, you might get a bit scared! Chatter about recipes, patterns, web pages and sewing projects fill the room as skeins of yarn get made into useful articles of clothing. The group keeps getting bigger and the ideas are just getting better each time we meet. To the untrained onlooker, I am sure we look like a hen party, just a-yakking and a-crafting but there is much more than meets the eye going on in this room. Ministry is happening inside the seeming chaos. These creative women are reaching out in love to those in need of warm clothes, accessories, encouraging words in greeting cards, baby clothes and healing prayer shawls. Some of us are making things to share with family members and friends. We are as different as night and day and yet there is a common thread that runs through all of us. We like to make things and we like to have fun while we are doing it.

Last night, we had two more women join the group and you would have thought we have all been crafting together for years. The laughter and the camaraderie is as healing and encouraging as the crafting. There is no pressure to HAVE to be there each week, or even to HAVE to be there for the whole two hours since we can complete our crafts on our own time at home as well as work on them when we meet.

Some members forgot to bring their projects with them last night but they still came to share ideas and work on a different craft for the evening. One of our members was having a pretty horrible day but she pushed herself to come anyway and ended up laughing… a lot… and learning more about her craft. A couple of women came in about a half hour after we started last night and didn’t seem to miss a beat. We even had a visitor pop in to chat with someone. I love the freedom we have.

At the end of the night we had six scarves and three hats ( the fruit of two weeks of labor) ready to be given to the Soap Box closet. One prayer shawl will get mailed out next week to my sister Barbara. She has breast cancer and will have a mastectomy on Thursday. We prayed over all the items and we prayed for protection and rapid healing for Barbara.

I am so blessed to be part of this group of amazing women. Thank you all for what you bring to the group each week.

Dream Weavers

YAY! Two more hat and scarf sets done and ready to go into the clothes closet at Rock Church tomorrow. The charcoal grey set, on the left, is a knit cable scarf with a knit hat. The black and sage hat and scarf have been crocheted.

I got an email from one of the ladies in the Dream Weavers small group and she has completed a crocheted scarf and is ready to make a hat to go with it. She has started another scarf in the meantime. Whew!

We had our first meeting last Tuesday night. Two hours whizzed by so quickly. Initially, I thought we would meet for one and a half hours every two weeks but it became clear  pretty quickly that we were going to be serious about this crafting business. We have changed the original schedule to EVERY Tuesday night for as long as you are able to stay – up to two hours.

If you want to learn how to knit, crochet, make scarves and hats, prayer shawls or make greeting cards… it is not too late to join us. If you already know how to do these crafts and want some crazy fellowship… it is not too late! Sign up here.

Pretty good report from Duke

Wednesday was our appointment at Duke to evaluate how this new medication is working on Ed’s Pulmonary Hyper-tension (PHT). It has been difficult for Ed to tell if there is much of a difference but he does think it is helping a bit. His Dr. there specializes in PHT and she wants Ed to stay on the meds as well as begin some heart and lung rehab therapy. He feels pretty good about that.

She wants to see him again in May. On our ride home, I asked him what he thought of the visit and he was particularly happy about not having to come back until spring. He said,” That means they expect me to still be around.”  A little gallows humor.

Aside from having to get up at 5:30 in the morning, we had a decent visit and a nice drive home. And yes… I fully expect him to still be around in May.

red heart on the wall

Just when I thought I had it all figured out, God changed the playing field. I wanted to be a gospel singer and minster for the Lord. He wanted me to be a hair stylist for television and film… and to minister there. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have had to find the balance of walking my faith out instead of preaching it. It is mandatory for me to love people unconditionally. On my own, it is too much for me. I am not proud to say that I have wanted to throw the towel in many times since 1994. The fruit of this “ministry” is few and far between making me ponder if I am ever making a difference in this world. Fear and doubt have wreaked havoc with me. Disappointments are plentiful. I am constantly reminded to get out of the way and let God do His thing.

It began in 1999 as a prayer for a colleague. She just plopped right into my life when I wasn’t looking for a new friend.

Without going into too much detail, I came to understand that God had placed her in my life and that I needed to pray for  her.

About three years ago, the Pastors at Rock Church invited the members to write on the platform of the stage with sharpies. We were instructed to write the name of someone who we knew needed to have an encounter with Jesus Christ. Within seconds, I picked up one of several markers that had been placed on the edge of the stage, knelt down and wrote the name of the woman I had been praying for since 1999. I prayed something like this;

“Father God, Please open of the eyes of the understanding for the person I am writing here. Let them see their need for a Savior. Let them understand that the Savior is Jesus. Amen.”

Simple, to the point, from my heart.

In 2009, my colleague, who has since become my friend, gave her life to God. She asked Jesus to be her Savior. A couple of weeks later,we were together at Rock Church and I told her the story of the names written on the stage platform. I pointed to her name and told her I have been praying for her and her family since 1999. Together, we placed a red heart over her name as a celebration that she had come to know the love that God has for her. Then, we moved to another spot on the wall and wrote her daughter’s name. I have been praying for this young lady for years too.

Last week, I had the honor and privilege of showing this beloved young woman the scriptures that explain how much God loves her. She got it! We prayed together and she asked Jesus to forgive her sins and guide her life. It is going to be so exciting to see how God moves in her life.

I am grateful that God did not allow me to give up. In my flesh, I wanted to walk away from this family. I told God that this was too hard for me. He should use someone else who could do a better job of loving these souls. He wouldn’t hear any of it, of course. Some times, we plant the seed. Sometimes we water the seed some one else has planted. Sometimes we get to harvest the fruit. I am extremely humbled that God allowed me to reap the harvest this time. One day, when she comes to Rock Church, we will place a red heart over her name too.

God’s love is amazing.

Patience! Wherefore art thou?

More and more lately I have to talk myself out of a crappy mood. Real life takes such crazy twists and turns. That has certainly been true of our life this past year. We have gone from a two income, fairly healthy and successful working couple to one retiree and one unemployed person. That is quite a radical change. Especially since Ed always thought he would work in some capacity for all his life.

Late in 2008, Ed had retired and we closed all our commercial cleaning accounts. We kept the carpet cleaning business, although we trimmed it down to 3 or 4  jobs a week just to keep Ed busy and have a little income. He called it semi-retirement.

I was blessed to remain working at a fairly steady pace in the film industry. Two days before Ed broke his hip, I felt very strongly impressed to resign from the lucrative job I had been working. I just knew it was important for me to be home. I discerned that it had something to do with Ed’s health and some recent diagnoses he had received although I never could have guessed what was about to happen. Over the years that I have been a Christ follower I have learned that I do not need to understand everything. When I am certain that what I am hearing is from God, I just have to obey. And that is what I did.

On the second morning after I quit my job, Ed fell in our bedroom and broke his hip. If I had still been working, it is very possible that he would have been on that floor, unable to reach a phone to call for help for 12-14 hours. I am so grateful to God that I was home.

If you have followed my blog at all, you know the rest of the story. After all of this upheaval, we sold the carpet cleaning truck and the business. We used that money wisely.

It humbles me to realize that, although our finances have been turned upside down, we have still managed to:

1. Pay every bill on time.
2. Manage dinner or a movie out every once in a while.
3. AND, (Insert drum roll here!) Pay our mortgage off completely!

To the untrained eye, it may look like a series of lucky co-incidences. It is not. I am certain that God has his hand on our lives and He turns everything around for our good. I believe the Word of God, the Bible. My relationship with God is what brings me the most hope in this uncertain world. Nothing happens in my life that God and I, together, cannot handle.

With all of that knowledge and history I still find myself ready to pull my hair out some days. I want to be working again, making a good paycheck. I don’t like that we are restricted in some ways due to oxygen tanks and canes and sore hips and infected thumbs and no cash on hand and….. all this crazy stuff.

The truth is, I am spoiled rotten. I want what I want and I don’t like to wait for things. I am still a work in progress. I have not been perfected yet. Patience is an elusive fruit, dangling from the tallest branches. Many days, I cannot quite reach it, but I am still stretching and growing.

Happy 2010!!!

I am grateful for good friends and flexible plans.

Ed and I started our last day of 2009 at an AA meeting sharing our experience, strength and hope with other alcoholics. I am grateful to know how to stay sober today. Alcohol can not ruin my life anymore as long as I do not drink. That is freedom. Thank You God.

After the meeting we went to Fresh Market and shopped for some lunch. I chose sushi and Ed got a turkey and swiss sandwich on a nice grainy bread and we  came home to eat them.

We went to Glenn and Nancy’s house for the evening. Ed and I grabbed a large Pizza from Brooklyn’s and brought it over there for dinner. We ate and played pinochle and laughed while we waited for our friends Crystal and Joe to arrive. Our plan was to spend a couple of hours with our friends and then to go to Rock Church to see some more of the people we love and pray in the new year with them. We were having such a great time of fun and fellowship and laughter with our four friends that the time just flew by and before we knew it, it was time to ring in the new year. It is a wonderful blessing to be so comfortable and relaxed with friends. We had sparkling grape juice to toast to a healthy and prosperous 2010. We also declared that we all wanted a closer walk with Jesus in the up coming year.

2009 is officially over. I have resolved to leave it’s disappointments behind and walk into the new decade with confidence in my Savior and Lord. He knows the plans He has for me. I trust Him and I am secure in knowing that my world is in His capable hands. Happy new year friends.

Love and best wishes from Ed and Coni.