What’s next?

26 11 2010

It’s a rainy Black Friday. I had all intentions of going to check out some of the sales today after Ed went out with a friend. Instead, I took advantage of the empty house and went on a cleaning spree. It was quite fun actually. I was able to unleash my OCD/ADD, traveling from room to room at my own pace and allowing the distractions to lead me to the next cleaning project. Some restraint, however, was required to keep me on one task at a time. Ed came home just in time to remind me to eat so I finished up, re-shackled the disorders and  we each had some salad. The rain is a good excuse for me to snuggle into my nice, clean house for the rest of the day.

Traveling shoes

25 11 2010

My brain is so full!!! I plan to leave for Charleston, SC on December 1st to work on season 5 of Army Wives. The first thing that comes to mind is what a blessing it will be to work again with folks that I enjoy. The steady pay checks will be nice for a while too. Then, I think of all the things I have to do while my departure date barrels toward me like a freight train. At least, I think I have my equipment packed and ready to go. That is a huge relief.

I have an apartment worked out with a pretty cool company that does just about everything for you before you get there. It is a bit costly but I am planning to be there until the beginning of May so it is necessary. I just have to organize and pack my clothes and creature comforts. Hmm. Is a lap top a creature comfort?

Ed and I are going to our friends house for Thanksgiving and I don’t have to cook a thing to bring this year. It feels odd, but a blessing none the less. Ed was in the mood to bake and so he made a chocolate cherry cake with coconut butter frosting to bring with us. I can hardly wait to dig in to that tomorrow.

Of course, I cooked a turkey breast and stuffing and some gravy for us to enjoy as left-overs. Got to have hot turkey sandwiches and Cape Codder sandwiches for the next couple of days. “What is a Cape Codder,” you ask. Only the best use of Thanksgiving left-overs in the whole USA. Start with your favorite bread. Spread Mayo on both slices, put a layer of turkey and a layer of stuffing and season that with salt and pepper. Right now you got a pretty decent turkey “sammich” but we are about to take it to another level. Top it with Ocean Spray cranberry sauce! Don’t think about it, just do it and take a bite. Now, THAT is a little taste of Heaven.

The food will be good but hanging with our friends is the best! We have been blessed with some of the coolest folks on the planet. We were aware of this before but this past year….. let me just say they have gone above and beyond. I can not imagine what we would have done without the love and support we have been given. We need two hands to count our REAL friends on.

I have been blessed to work with some very talented and lovely people this year too. I am grateful for my friends who have hired me, trusted me and made me laugh every day. And for the folks who have worked hard for me and were team players. You all make my life special.

My husband has been the rock of my life for 28 years. He has always supported me and made me feel like a cherished woman. I am lucky to have you.

I would have none of this in my life if it were not for the God of mercy who loves me beyond all reason. Thank you, Abba Father, for pulling me out of the pit of destruction that I had leapt into. You never gave up on me. You loved me when I did not love myself. This is quite a journey You have me on.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Moving forward

22 11 2010

It is always easier to see someone else’s short comings. It even makes me feel a little superior when I can point out another person’s faults. But then, something embarrassing or even humiliating usually turns my focus back to what an idiot I can be sometimes. I cannot change a single thing about a single person. I can only change me and I can’t even do that without God’s assistance.

Some very unlovely character traits have raised their stubborn, ugly heads over the past year. There have been days when I could not even find the words to pray. Self pity is one of those things that lives right under the surface of my sensitive life. I constantly fight that and the “victim” mentality. For some time in my past life, depression was an intimidating foe. In the past,these emotional maladies have been so debilitating that they rendered me absolutely useless. I could not think or do anything. I turned into a sludge on the couch.

If I should dare to think that I have finally mastered my life and rid myself of these invaders, I am horrified to recognize they have crept into my life in a whole new way. I will never stop needing God to deliver me in these cases.

The simple truth is, if I am a child of God, I am no one’s victim. My life is surrendered to God and He alone guides my path. God has a plan and a destiny purposed for my life. There are no accidents in my life. Each person I meet is a God ordained relationship. Each event that happens in my life is a God ordained appointment. It all works together to mold me into the person that God has created me to be.

Some people and events make me stronger, some comfort me, some encourage and some simply entertain me. Sometimes people and events are in my life for what I can do to make things better. In times and relationships like this, I must remember that I can do nothing good on my own. It is when I try, in my own strength, to guide someone or to control some event that I exhaust myself by doing things “my way”and botch the good that could have been done.

If I find myself off the God path, (and I do quite regularly), I go back to taking my inventory. I repent of taking my self will back again. I scrape the mud off my boots and tell my ego to shut up. I ask God to light my way back to the path He has for me. I recognize and admit that God has given me everything I need in my personality to accomplish those things that are my destiny. I place my life back into His capable hands and I trust Him.


In spite of

22 11 2010

The Lord is good to all and His tender mercies are over all His works. Psalm 45:9

The AA twelve step book says that recovering alcoholics need to take inventory of our day. It must be a common thing among alcoholics to have the urge to focus on the negatives of the day because the tenth step reminds us that, “… inventory taking is not always done in red ink. It is a poor day indeed when we haven’t done something right.”

Taking an honest look at my behavior in the day, I am not always happy with what I see. It is easy for me to judge myself harshly and fall into a funk. I must remember that I am just an ordinary person with ordinary short comings and failings.  I must accept the fact that I am not the best of the best nor am I the worst of the worst.

Today, I have done some things wrong. I admit my wrongs and ask God to help me do better tomorrow. If I can do something to make them right, I will do it.

Today, I have done some things right. I thank God for these things.

Now, I leave it all, the good and the not so good, in His capable hands. That is the hard part for me. Do not hash it all over. Leave it. Do not carry it into tomorrow. Leave it. Trust that God can and will handle it all.

I am grateful that God blesses me in spite of my short comings and failings. He looks upon the heart and sees beyond the actions.

Create in me a clean heart O God and renew a right spirit in me. Amen

The band plays on

20 11 2010

The Rumors of my death…

Where’s Waldo?

Anyone out there?

Coni who?

These are some of the potential titles for this post that I rejected. The fact is that I have been off the keys for a looong time and we all know that. I was stuck in the woes of the physical trauma that altered our lives when my husband fell and broke his hip. Frankly, every time I sat down to write, I heard myself whining. Yep, I was stuck.

There is no doubt that this has been one of the hardest seasons in both of our lives and we are doing as well as we possibly can be. We are being stretched and molded, hopefully, into the people of faith that we claim to be. We have to believe that God is still God and He has it all under control. That does not mean that everything will turn out the way we think it should. Heck, He didn’t even consult with us or warn us about Ed breaking his hip.

Ed has done remarkably well since he has been forced into retirement. His spirits are high, he is making a lot of AA meetings, he finished his novel and it has been edited one time by a friend. It is a really good story. We need to have it edited again and we need to find an agent. I wish I knew how to make this happen for him.

So, with that said, perhaps I can move on now and get unstuck. Life has continued and I would like to get back to sharing an encouraging word or two here.