Still becoming

27 10 2012

Six words rocked my world.

One question.

It pierced my heart.

My mind went momentarily void.
The hole in my heart ached.
My head nodded a silent, yes.
“Are you Eddie the Baker’s widow?”
Mind reeling, I walked out to my car.
Tears threatened to escape my eyes.
Lungs refused to inhale.
The lump in my throat was excruciating.
Seatbelt locked, I turned the engine over.
Words spun around the inside of me.
No. This can not be who I am.
This is who I am… in part.
My journey continues.
No longer wife, no longer half of a whole.
Then who?
Blessed; confident; talented; smart and tender hearted.
Mother; sister; faithful friend; stumbling Christ follower.
Funny: imperfect: creative; grateful.
These are the tools I will use to re-invent myself.
God is not finished with me yet.
I still have a race to run.

The Voice

13 10 2012

There! Did you feel that? A soft, subtle nudge, directing my steps.

“That’s right, this way. One foot in front of the other. Follow Me.”

His voice sounds a little like my own voice in my head.
This is a calling I have grown to trust. Under the shadow of His wing, I find peace and rest.
The further I lean into His bosom the clearer my mind grows.
Past the grief. Past the sense of isolation.
Gaining the courage to let go of the life I knew as Ed’s wife.
In my widowhood, I am not alone.
Listen, there it is again. The Voice of my Shepherd.
“This is the way. Walk in it. I will never leave you or forsake you.
There is more for you to do. You are not finished yet. I will be with you.
Every step of the way. Follow me.”