On the road again

Well, this is the first time I have left Ed alone since February 20th. He is doing well enough and he has confidence that he will be fine by himself. I, on the other hand, am a little (mother hen) apprehensive.

I have the opportunity to go out of town to do some TV hair styles. I am in Charleston, SC working on the last episode of Army Wives. Things are going well. It has been a little strange to see so many folks that I have not been in touch with in 2 years but some relationships are falling right back into place as if we had never been apart. Lots of hugs and even a little high pitched squealing from one friend. haha. 

I worked for 8 hours(pretty civilized)  today on a photo shoot and will have the next 2 days off. Try not to feel sorry for me. I am staying in a little studio hotel room with a small kitchen and a bedroom. It is everything I need for the next week to 10 days. I think I needed a little hiatus away from home although I would not have wanted to be anywhere else these past months. I really do love my work.

keep knitting

* THE SHOEBOX*

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything… They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

 

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. ‘When we were to be married,’ she said, ‘ my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.’ The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. ‘Honey,’ he said, ‘that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?’ ‘Oh,’ she said, ‘that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.’

wisdom and compassion

Just want to say that I am grateful for the wisdom and compassion of my friends. I am truly blessed. Read the comments on my last post and you will understand.

Sometimes, things… circumstances…  have happened so rapidly in my life that it makes my mind spin. Like a roulette wheel it turns and clicks as it considers the possibilities. will he recover? will I be a widow soon? what caused the set back? why did he fall? am i doing the right things to help him? what does God want out of all this? which is a life experience and which is a demonic assault? God, where are You in this? what is happening with our finances? click.. click.. click.

The spinning goes on and on. So I run to my Bible to remind me of what God says about Who He is and what my relationship to Him is all about.

• He will never leave me or forsake me.
• He has a plan for my life. A plan for good and not for evil.
• My Heavenly father knows what I need.
• His love is never ending and UNconditional.

Then, I run to AA to simplify it all for me.

• One day at a time.
• Turn my life and my will over to God as I understand Him.
• Ask for help.
•  K.I.S.S. > Keep It Simple Silly. ( I am not stupid.)
• You are only as sick as your secrets. Tell someone you are hurting.

And then, I tie all that together with a big purple bow that says:

      JUST FOR TODAY, DON’T DRINK!

In times of extreme stress,I am bringing it all back to the basics. Thank God that I have the basics. Thank God that I have friends to remind me when my mind is tormented. Thank God that people pray for me (us) when I am too tangled up to pray.

Thank You God!

Being refined and re-defined

It is quite interesting to me that a person continues to change and develop all through out a life time. When I was a pre-teen, I was very anxious to be considered a grown up. So many choices that I would not have made were being made for me. I reasoned that when I was a grown up, I could make my own decisions and live my own life.  To quote an old hippy song… “What a wild, strange trip it’s been.”

I find myself going back to my sobriety roots in AA frequently.  It is one of the constants in my life. This program taught me how to live in this world. Before AA I floundered along life’s path, being blown this way and that by the slightest breeze. I had no idea who I was or why I was here on this earth. The word, destiny, meant nothing to me. Today, destiny is very important to me. I do not want to just take space on this planet.

I believe that Almighty God created me with a purpose in mind. THAT is my destiny. My life quest is to discover and then fulfill that destiny. There have been times when I thought I saw it clearly and as I pursued it, I fell down a rabbit hole or ended up where I had started from. Can I hear an “amen” from anyone?

My question to myself is this, is the rabbit hole a part of my destiny? If I find myself back to the beginning, does that mean that I have failed? Is 56 years old too old to still be wondering who I will be when I grow up?

I am tired. Weary really. This year has tested me in ways that I never dreamed of. I am going to start over again as soon as I get out of this rabbit hole.