What does New Normal look like?

To the very best of my knowledge, I have never been “normal”. So, my quest for a new normal has proven to be elusive at best. But, that can be a good thing. My new normal is mine and I am creating it as I go along this journey of widowhood.

Some of the things that are new to me:

• My conversations no longer include “we”, “us”, “our”.
• When I walk into the house, I am not greeted by “Hi my love!”
• There is no one here to cook a full on Thanksgiving dinner for.
• There was no birthday present from my love this year and there will be no Christmas gift either.

Okay, that is all I can list right now because I am bawling again and that was not my intent. I was trying to give some helpful advice about coping with missing a loved one during the holidays. This is an incredibly painful journey to New Normal.

Some of the things I am doing to survive:

• Renting a room in my house (short term) to a person I have worked with on a couple of shows while she is in town for work.
• Traveled to Madrid to do something for someone else.
• Stepping away from music ministry for the first time in 30 years of being a Christian.
• Brooming the negative drama and people from my life for a while.
• Taking Bella on a road trip to spend Christmas with family who lives far away.
• Remodeling my 20 year old kitchen.

Some decisions I am putting on a back burner for now:

• Plastic surgery.
• Embellishing my aging body with some ink art.
• Installing wood floors.
• Putting a sunroom addition on the house (complete with jacuzzi).
• Adopting 2 more dogs.
• Going back to school to become a Bible counselor.

Through this life experience I am drawing closer to God. That doesn’t mean I am getting Holy. Rather it means I am a mess and can not even find the strength to breath without Him. I can not feel His presence in my life right now but I know that I know He has promised NEVER to leave me or forsake me. Wether I ever feel His presence again, He has done miraculous deeds for me. It is most important for me to remember and rehearse what I know He has done in my life already and what His word says He will do in my future. I don’t know what He is going to do but I know it will be a future filled with peace and hope.

This is His Word to me:

“For I know the thoughts that I think towards you,” says the Lord, “thoughts of peace and not of evil,to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

God is not done with me yet. Light the path Lord and I will travel on it… with You. But if You are not going, I am not going.

Amen