Where is the passion?

23 09 2011

Anyone who ever spoke to Ed for more than 10 minutes knows that my man loved to travel.  His job on board oil tankers that traveled the world was a natural fit for him. We were still fairly newly weds when he came home and told me about an opportunity he had to take this job. The excitement in his words and the look in his eye was enough for me to know that this was a dream come true for him. Of course, he had to try it. And try it he did, for about ten years. He has been to Russia, Portugal, Spain, Africa, South America, Greece, Israel, Italy, Alaska and Germany to name a few countries. Traveling was a passion for him.

A long time ago, my passion used to be seeing broken people made whole again. Specifically, seeing abused and messed up women find their divine purpose in this life. Everyone has a divine purpose you know. Some of us just get dealt a lousy hand and some others deal themselves a bad hand. Regardless of how or why, this world is full of people who have a destiny that they are missing by a million miles.

I really used to care about this but over the past couple of years I have been more focused on the health issues my husband faced. When he broke his hip and went through two surgeries that landed him him in ICU each time, I stayed home with him until my health insurance was going to be cancelled. Then, he insisted that I go back to work in order to retain it. I worked off and on to keep enough in my account so I wouldn’t lose my insurance. Left to my own devices, I would have stayed with him and let go of my health insurance but he would not hear of it.

Somewhere in this contentious series of events, I lost my conscious contact with my Creator. I prayed , I talked to God but I could not hear Him. Some days, I didn’t even know how to pray so I didn’t. And through it all, I lost my passion.

I have not expressed these thoughts to anyone but, since I don’t have my husband anymore it is hard to care about very much. Why am I still here?  I have fulfilled my wedding vows and, truth be known, I am not really crazy about going on without Eddie. Now, I am not inclined to end my life or anything like that. I mean it when I say that everyone has a divine purpose. Mine has not been fulfilled yet. That is why, a couple of months ago, I began to ask God to revive a passion in me. Remind me what is important and help me to want again to make a difference in this world. Lead me to someone who needs what I can give.

I believe God hears my prayers and He has sent an answer. No one knows what I have been praying. Out of the blue, I have been invited to go to Madrid to take part in an outreach ministry to women who are recovering their lives from devastation. Alcoholism, drug addiction, prostitution, domestic abuse and more. Broken women whom God is reaching and drawing to Himself. I am going to help do some makeovers on women who have lost their identity and their sense of femininity. There is more to tell, but I am well over the recommended 500 words that keep a post interesting.

What are you passionate about? What are you doing with your passion?



5 responses

23 09 2011

I understand our conversation the other night so much better in light of this post. Praying that this trip to Madrid will be an amazing trip for you and the women you get to minister to.


23 09 2011

Coni, I have found myself in a similar place lately in terms of my relationships with God. I had been letting the business of life get in the way of knowing and hearing His voice and acting out His heart of love for people. Yesterday morning at homeless breakfast we do downtown, God reminded me in several ways what that passion feels like again and why He puts burdens for particular groups of people in each of us who are willing to carry that burden and more importantly, WALK out love for them.

I can totally see why you would have a heart for these kinds of women and believe that since Ed is gone you may very well begin to find your ultimate joy and fulfillment in life in loving and serving them. Somehow life just feels the most “right” when we are smack dab in the middle of living out our lives with purpose. And purpose for me personally is always found in service to others. I guess that’s why “love” is the greatest of these….. It must be walked out.

May God abundantly bless and cover you in all of your endeavors to come…..


23 09 2011

It seems to me that it is during the most difficult times of our lives that we get down to the bare basics. We question and examine. We aren’t satisfied with the peripheral.
When we have been stripped of something we hold dear and find it is gone, then we carefully, slowly build. It won’t be the same.
Even when what we had may have been beautiful but it is no longer there, we can see another beautiful creation grow.
Ed would be so delighted that you have this opportunity and proud of you for taking this journey. I am too….


23 09 2011

As I said before. Spain will be a better place after you’ve ben there.


4 11 2011

Thanks Fred. Can’t wait to see you and tell about my adventures.


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