9 12 2009

Have you developed the habit of being honest with yourself?

In my past, I lived in such a fantasy world that I actually believed some of the lies I told. I lied about my age so much that I lost track of how old I was. Now, I understand that most people would just take the year they were born and subtract it from the present year but, I lied quite often about my birth year so I could get served in bars at a younger age.

One year, I was celebrating my 20th birthday in a biker bar that I had been frequenting for about two years. Someone let it slip that I was turning 20 that day and the bar owner kicked me out. On my birthday!! The legal drinking age at that time was 21. I thought he had no sense of humor at all.

The hard thing about living a life of lies is remembering which lie has been told to which person. I have never been a very organized person so I was constantly getting busted and then I would have to make up another lie, on the spot, to cover the last lie. When you really think about it, that was a lot of work.

The hardest thing was all the lies I told myself. I believed that I was worthless, ugly, and a loser. I believed that my life was always going to be painful and that some how I deserved that. I believed that, if there was a God, He must surely be mad at me. I allowed myself to begin to hate myself to such a degree that I did not want to live anymore. My life was just one disappointment after another. I thought it would always be that way. The next logical step was suicide. I made a few attempts. Some serious, some a desperate cry for someone to care about me.

How could I have missed it all those years? There were times I had put myself in situations that could have resulted in my death but, somehow, I got out alive. One day, I had to admit that God was real and His hand had been upon me for a long time. He was never mad at me. He was broken hearted that I had chosen to live my life without Him. He wanted to help me make healthy decisions for my life. He never expected me to get it right all by myself. He knew that most of the people in my life would abandon me or let me down at some point in my life. He never abandoned me. He had been my protector so that a worse fate had not overwhelmed me. He was waiting for me to find the Truth. He waited until I was exhausted by trying to run my life my way. He never forced Himself into my life. He waited. He always cared about me. He always cared for me. He created me with a purpose for my life.

When I was ready to surrender the control of my life, He began to steer me in a good direction. I found peace. I did not have to try to be some one that people would like. I was learning that I really was this person that God loved. I found comfort for the disappointments. I was not worthless. It was alright to cry, to be sad about some of the things in my life. I did not have to be the tough guy all the time. God believed that I was worth something. I found truth. No more lies. They were a waste of time and energy. I discovered THE Truth. Jesus Christ, the Way, the Truth and the Life. He is my Savior. Jesus paid the price for everything I had ever done that could separate me from the love of God. God sent Jesus to do that for me because God loves me.

I will never be abandoned again. God said that He will never leave me or forsake me. I am not kidding, He actually said that! The apostle Paul reminded me of that in the book of Hebrews. Paul said, “For He Himself has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

That is my Truth.

My life is a lot more simple these days. I don’t have to search my memory to recall which story I told to the person in front of me. My life is pretty much an open book. What you see is what you get. Take it or leave it.

That is how I Keep It Simple Silly. K.I.S.S.



One response

10 12 2009

I love how you K.I.S.S. Relying on Christ and knowing that he won’t ever leave us.


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