too overwhelmed to pray

20 03 2009

For a few days, I was too overwhelmed to think straight. It was sheer torture to see Ed in so much pain. I had to remove myself from the room a couple of times because I knew what the nurses were going to do was going to cause him pain but it had to be done.

Have you ever been so stressed that you could not even pray? That is how I felt for the first ten days. I knew God was present with us, I just wasn’t sure what I was saying to Him.

One of those days, our Pastors were with us and one of them said this to me.

“We have faith to pray for Ed. Don’t worry if you are too overwhelmed to know what to pray because we have this for you. We know how to pray for Ed at this time.”

There were no sweeter words that could have blessed my ears. The cool thing is, I never mentioned not being able to pray. They just knew. I let go of some guilt and took a sigh of relief. I am so grateful for friends who stand by you in times of turmoil. 

This reminded me of what happened a few years ago when I was going through the treatment for Hepatitis C. I was on a cocktail of Interferon and Ribivarin for six months. The side effects were pretty hard to deal with but especially what it did to me mentally. I could be driving down the road and completely forget where I was going. Many is the time I had to pull off the road to think where I was driving to. It also made me an emotional wreck. Think of a sick person with ADD on pot and PMS-ing. Yeah, that about describes it. Oh yeah, add to that the feeling that every nerve in your body is on the outside of your skin. And I was depressed. I would cry every night while I was trying to fall asleep because my body hurt every where.

Now, I know that God loves me and that He has saved me for eternity, but, I could not steady my mind enough to pray. I felt terribly guilty about this too. One night, I was really making an attempt to pray and my thoughts wandered off. When I realized it, I berated myself to God. I remember thinking, “God, You must be so disgusted with me. I cannot even pray for a minute.” I heard the inner voice of Holy Spirit say to me, “Why would I turn away from you when you need me the most? I am not disgusted with you. I am here for you even when you can not ask me to be. I will NEVER leave you or forsake you.”

God is never disgusted by our need.

Ed’s surgery went well and he is on the road to recovery. He is a fighter. He was determined to do well through rehab and he did. Ed is due to come home Tuesday, March 24. That just happens to be his birthday.

We are making it through this trial. One day at a time. God has been so very gracious to us. We are surrounded by friends and the thoughts and prayers and texts and emails and gifts and cards and phone calls of family. 

We have a lot to be grateful for.


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2 responses

21 03 2009
Bryan McGee

There are a lot of people who pray for me when I am too overwhelmed to pray. That’s what family is for.

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22 03 2009
Lori

We’re in this together. We may not know the details of one another’s trials but praying for each other is a privilege like none other. I’m grateful to be a recipient and participant.

Looking forward to seeing Ed again!

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