Forgive Moms – part two

18 01 2009

After she cussed me out and told me she was not going to any AA meetings I told her that I never would have taken the drive to her house so early in the morning if she hadn’t promised me on the phone the night before that she wanted me to take her to a meeting. I knew that she would not remember  the conversation so I completely guilted her into going to a meeting. It is not the ideal way to get someone to a meeting but I was desperate. Her drinking had accelerated at an alarming rate and I was sure that she would drink herself to death if something drastic did not intervene.
She showered and got dressed. She was sick as a dog but off we went. My mother heard something at that meeting and she promised me that she would go back to another one the next day. That was a miracle. Mom kept going to meetings and started putting sober days back to back. It was one week before my wedding to Ed and she gave me the best wedding gift I ever would have dared to dream of. I had a sober mother present for my marriage. By the grace of God, Mom stayed sober for the rest of her life.
I forgave my mother. I prayed for her to be blessed and I refused to hold onto resentment. I loved her where she was at and did not allow her to poison me with her alcoholic behavior. I forgave all the madness from my youth. I forgave every act of dysfunctional behavior. I never condoned her drinking but I forgave her and loved her where she was at. I knew very well that she had a disease and that she hated her own behavior but had no life skills that could allow her to survive with out alcohol. Now, she was staying sober one day at a time. Like me. Like Eddie.
Someone said to me that she is the only mother I was ever going to have and wouldn’t it be a shame if I missed out on any more time as her daughter because I was holding on to past hurts. Forgiving is a choice, not a feeling. I made a concsious decision to forgive. I am convinced that it was because of forgiveness my mother was able to get sober.

My suggestions for forgiving someone:

  • Pray that God will bless them in the way He sees fit.
  • Repeat the Lord”s Prayer and think about asking God to “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
  • Make a decision to forgive.
  •  Do not allow new resentments to settle in. Give the offense to God right away.
  • Make a decision to forgive.
  • As much as possible, protect yourself from the harmful behavior.
  • Detach from the situations but love the person where they are at.
  • Each time the offense crosses your mind, give it to God. Repeat the first suggestion often
  • Remember that forgiveness is not a feeling.
  • Make a decision to forgive.

Next week I will share some more of the miracles in mother’s sobriety.


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3 responses

22 01 2009
hazelseyes

Happy New Year, Coni!

Thanks so much for this post! Forgiveness is a vital part of all our lives no matter what the offense we’re forgiving. Having unforgiveness in our hearts harms us in so many different ways. Thanks for sharing how God was able to move in both your lives after you made a conscious decision to forgive and stuck with the commitment. God is such a restorer yet we still have to do our part in order to release that restorative power in our lives. Thank you, Thank you!

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6 02 2009
Rachel Rowell

You have NO IDEA how much I needed this post Coni. Thank you for sharing part of your story, as it is blessing and ministering to others more than you know.

p.s. I SO miss worshipping with you. 😦

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1 04 2009
Sheila

This is amazing, and as usual, you inspire me. 🙂

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