Came, Came to, Came to believe

2 07 2008

Back in 1977, when I was just getting sober, I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined what my life would be like now.

I was completely unreliable. Unable to hold down a job. I was fired from a bar tending job for drinking on the job, stealing money out of the till and beating up some of the customers. One time, I hit a girl so hard that the whole side of her face was black and blue. When I saw her the next day I was horrified at that thought that I may have killed her and not even remembered doing it.

I had no parenting skills at all. I was not fit to raise a child. I had an uncontrollable temper. My value system was almost non-existent and what values I did have were all mixed up. I was a hopeless, junkie drunkard at the age of 24.

That is when I started going to AA. I got sober. All I did was follow directions for the first time in my life. My sponsors told me that I could not stay sober without help. They assured me that God had not given up on me and He would help me stay sober if I would only ask Him. I told my sponsor that I did not have a god and she told me that I could ask hers. She said He was helping her every day and He would help me too. My first prayer went something like this;

“Ruth’s God. If you are there and if you are real would you help me like you are helping Ruthie?”

That is all I was capable of at that time.

After a few months of not drinking and going to AA meetings I realized that I was sober. That’s what happens when you don’t drink. But,I still had to learn how to live.

I have to say that I don’t think I could have accepted God in my life without the precepts of AA. I was not a socially acceptable person. Cursed and told raunchy jokes. Had no desire what so ever to enter a church. What I did discover was that I could ask God for help and He would help me. I learned it from former drunks in AA. The next thing I would ask Him for was help in my daily life.

To make a long (31 years) story short, I have an incredible life today.

I am married to my best friend. I met him in AA. We are both sober for many years now. We both have a very intimate relationship with our higher power. My daughter managed to grow into a beautiful person. She is happily married and is raising 3 children. All of them are very involved in their church and have an intimate relationship with their higher power. I have a reputable job which supplies us the income we need to live in a comfortable home and to be a blessing to others. I am very blessed to love my job. No one looks at me today and sees the drunk, bar room brawler that I used to be. I am so far removed from that person that I rarely remember the pain I lived in day after day.

All because I came (to AA meetings),

 I came to (began to think more clearly)

and I came to believe (that God is not mad at me and He will help me EVERY time I call).

It is most important for me to continue to grow spiritually. It is my heart-felt desire to grow closer and closer to my higher power. I don’t pray to Ruth’s god any more. Today, I talk to Jesus every day. He loves me like crazy!

 


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4 responses

2 07 2008
Lydia

Thank you for this. I read “1977” and my heart leaps! It works, over the very long time.

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3 07 2008
saravance

I love you!

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7 07 2008
Rachel Rowell

Wow, Conni this is amazing! Not the lady you are today at all. I never would have guessed. Isn’t God just too cool? Oh, what He can make out of our messes! ❤

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8 07 2008
Lisa June

You are such an inspiration. Seriously. I don’t just come to get my hair “did”, but to spend time with you!

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