sobriety is not for sissies

27 04 2008

I spent a lot of my younger years blaming other people for my negative behavior. My Mom was the biggest catch all for what ever I was going through. I blamed her for my lousy childhood, for my not trusting people, for my abandonment issues AND for my alcoholism. I was an anti-social mess and none of the mess was my fault. Just in case you don’t recognize this junk, it is called DENIAL.

I got a rude awakening in my early sobriety. I was complaining to an AA member who happened to be clean and sober for about 2 years longer than I was. I was on what is known in AA circles as the pity pot. It sounds something like this; “poor me, poor me, pour me another drink.”

As I was complaining to this woman about my crappy childhood for about the 40th time, she looked me straight in the eye and told me like it is. “You have shared these experiences with me before Coni. It is true. You had a lousy childhood. But there is something else your childhood is. It is long! You are 24 years old now. Most people call that an adult. It is time for you to take responsibility for how you chose to deal with your crappy childhood.”

I could feel the fire rising up within me and starting to shoot out my eyeballs and burn tiny holes in her face. I bowed up my back like a cat getting ready to pounce on a mouse and then… all the wind left my sails. I had absolutely no response as the truth of her words sank into my being. I just stood there staring at her for a minute or two. I swallowed my pride and shut my mouth. I walked back in to the AA meeting, moved to a chair right in front of the speaker which is where my sick butt belonged. I listened as hard as I could to the speakers who shared their experience, strength and hope with me that day and I did not drink.

Getting clean and sober is not for sissies.



2 responses

27 04 2008

I love reading the story of your road to sobriety. You and Ed are an inspiration to me. Keep the stories coming.


28 04 2008

so, are you working on your book yet? i’d say you have a fairly good start right here in the halls of your blog.

have you started your book yet?


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