Shirl the whirl

The legal drinking age in Mass. was 21 years old. I was not old enough but I was a regular in this biker bar and no one had ever asked me how old I was. I had been drinking there off and on since I was 19. I say off and on because sometimes I would get shut off and kicked out for short periods of time. No one ever said when the time would be up. I would just make an appearance at the bar when I felt that my banishment had been long enough and someone would serve me.

“Shirl the whirl, the human bowling ball” was my favorite bartender. She was the fastest bartender I had ever met. She was also as round as she was short. Hence the name. Shirl lived in a rooming house in this small town. When I was looking for an affordable place to live, she recommended me to the landlord and I moved into a small room with a kitchen in the very back of the house. Shirl’s room was down the hall from me on the first floor. 

The house was occupied by a host of characters. Every resident had their own little quirkiness and most of us were drunks. Every week end was a mystery as to who would win the “Bonehead play of the week Award”.

Shirl the whirl had a boyfriend named Harry the hat. In the middle of a drunken evening, Shirl woke up to see someone peeping in the window. She screamed, Harry jumped out of bed, grabbed his hat and ran outside to catch the peeper. He ran all through the woods on the side of our house. He could hear the peeper but couldn’t manage to catch up with him. Well, the whole house woke up to the screams of a hysterical Shirl. We had turned the front light on and all gathered on the front porch. We could hear Harry running through the bushes and cursing at the illusive villain. Finally, we heard him coming back to the house mumbling obsenities. He made his way out of the woods and walked into the light of the front porch. It wasn’t until we all started laughing that he realized he was stone naked! Except, of course for his hat.

Harry the hat won that week’s Bonehead play of the Week Award.