This is reality

2 04 2008

Ever have one of those days when you need to rise up in your faith? Yeah, dumb question. I know I am not unique here.

I think today is a good day for me to bring to remembrance those miracles I have experienced.

When I first gave my life to Jesus, I was sober for 5 years in AA. My body was a mess. I was in a girdle with steel bars on each side of my spine. I was in varying degrees of constant pain. I was told that I had a crippling arthritis and would be in a wheel chair by the time I was 30.

I listened to preaching and teaching tapes or Christian radio every moment possible. I developed the faith that Jesus could heal me. One day, I was carrying a laundry basket through the hall and I heard a preacher say, “If you believe He can, ask Him right now. No matter where you are or what you are doing, get your healing NOW.” In faith, I put the laundry down and knelt right beside it. I said something to this effect. “I believe You can heal me Jesus. Why not now? How about it Lord? I am waiting.”

No lie, I felt heat in my spine. I started to cry for no apparent reason and I just began to praise Jesus. No telling how long I was in that position but when I got up, there was NO pain. Not even a little. I waited a few weeks before I dared to tell anyone and then I burned the girdle in the fireplace!! Never ended up in a wheel chair and never had to don that miserable brace again. Jesus healed me.

Now, let me give you a snapshot of the back story.

I gave my life to Jesus when I was a little girl. In the catholic church, I fell in love with Jesus. When I made my first Holy Communion, I was told by the nuns that I was marrying Jesus. That is why I had to dress in a white, frilly dress and look pretty. My eight year old mind believed, without a shadow of a doubt, that Jesus married me and I married Him that day. I so wish that I could have remained true to that vision as I grew up, but life had a way of beating the snot out of me. I can’t imagine how I could have forgotten all about that marriage for so many years. I was blinded by the world and it’s cruelty and I always felt like I was running just as fast as I could just to stay out of danger and to keep up with the world around me.

By the time I was in my 20s I had already been a heroin addict, spent 10 months in a physically abusive marriage, become alcoholic, and played around with speed and cocaine.

I was living with a speed freak who almost choked me to death when he discovered I was planning to leave him. He totally lost it and had me leaned backwards over the kitchen counter with his hands tighly wrapped around my throat. He was actually foaming at the mouth and saying, “Look what you are making me do.” I thought this would be the last thing I would see on this earth. My vision began to close in like the eye of a camera closing. I was at the edge of unconsiousness when the doorbell rang. He was yelling so loudly at me that he didn’t hear it at first and whoever was on the other side of that door started laying on the bell so that it just kept ringing. The sound finally reached his ears just as I was fading out. He stopped. I stood there, gasping and choking and, it was as if he had been awakened out of a nightmare. The look on his face was sheer terror. He pushed me into the bedroom and begged me not to die. It was all so surreal.

The guy at the door was our landlord who had come to show a potential renter the house we were renting. I had pulled myself together enough to walk out of the bedroom and right out the door. As soon as I got outside, I ran to the house where my ex-brother in law lived. Thank God he was home and he put me in his truck and took me to the safety of my sister’s house.

I was living as far out of God’s will as a human being could be. I firmly believe that God sent that doorbell ringing land lord at the precise moment when my life was still in my body. It took me a few more years of insanity before I ever had a desire to return to that lovely Savior that I married as a little girl.

I know that God has had a plan for me from before the earth was formed. I was God’s idea. Though He never intended for me to stray as far from Him as I did, He never took His eyes off of me. No demon in hell was going to be strong enough to take me out at the hands of a madman. God is greater.

God has not changed. He is still greater. Greater than drug addiction and alcoholism. Greater than sex addiction. Greater than Hepatitis C. Greater than arthiritis. Greater than insanity. Greater than depression. Greater than cancer. His will for my life and His plan for those I love is greater than anything I could think of or dream of.

He brought me into this world on the day He chose for my birthday. I have already lived far longer than I ever imagined I would. I never expected to see 21 years of age. He holds the keys to my life and I ain’t going anywhere until the day He says, “Come on home.” I will accomplish what He has designed me for.


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4 responses

2 04 2008
hazelseyes

Amen.

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4 04 2008
carolyn

it so hurts my heart to know what you have had to walk through in your life. you have mentioned through the years i’ve known you struggles with confidence, fulfilling purpose and the like. but I want you to know what I see. I see a walking miracle. and while your physical body has encountered extraordinary healing, this is not the miracle I see everyday. I see a woman consumed with a love for her God and for others with a past that says her reality should be quite the contrary. i see a woman who gets up time after time, sometimes shaken… but always resillient. i see commitment to truth and authenticity. I see loyalty and faith. i see a woman willing to take risks if it will mean making a difference, when most in her position would suppose they have risked and lost enough.
post on, coni. people need not only to hear your story but to hear your miracle as it continually unfolds. I love you so much. thank you for being such a great example to me.

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5 04 2008
candress

God is greater still little sister. I am humbled and reminded that He holds the keys to my life and when I surrender to Him, He unlocks amazing things. I love you.

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6 04 2008
mrshammie

I don’t know what to say. My heart is so full right now. You are an amazing woman and God has such great purpose for you. My prayer is for as many people to read your words because I know that they’ll be changed when they do. Thank you Coni for putting it out there for people to see. If it saves just one it will all be worth it! I love you!

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