Life of the Beloved

29 12 2007

My work is filled with insecure people who tear down other people. I have noticed in myself that I can start off with a secure sense of who I am and by the end of a job I have to fight to remind myself that I have worth and I am blessed by God to do what I do and His favor rests on me.

Last year, I was nearly fired from a job because the lead actress did not like me. (Now, who could NOT like me?) It was really OK with me because I was not particularly fond of her either. Without going into detail, I will just say that I began to doubt my talent and question what I was doing on that movie. My co-workers were wonderfully talented people who supported me 100%. I never worried about any of them talking behind my back or trying to make me look incompetent just to build themselves up. That happens a lot in film work.

 I had asked the producers to make up their minds by Friday whether or not they would replace me and so, as I was driving into work that morning I was just dreading the day. I was asking God for favor for the day, Please Dear God. I was feeling like a total loser and was hoping that they would replace me so I could come home and nurse my wounded spirit. I was just around the corner from the studio when a song came on the radio that caught my ear.

It said,

“And the Voice of Truth tells me a different story.

The Voice of Truth says do not be afraid.

The voice of Truth says this is for My glory.

Out of all the voices calling out to me,

I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth.”

I had to pull my car over and crank the volume to  mind tingling decibels and sing those words at the top of my lungs. By the end of that, I was ready to jump into the lions den and face whatever was coming my way.

To my surprise, the producers decided that it would be in their best interest to keep me, for whatever reason. The curious thing is that the actress completely changed her attitude towards me and ended up respecting me. She was just lovely to me for the rest of the project.

I tell this story to give a brief glimpse into the stress of working in the film industry. It seems that at the end of each project I am fortunate enough to work on, I need to spend recovery time with my Father. I need to get built up again and to be given the Grace to see who God says I am. I can not trust that I am who the producer says I am, or the actor or even who I say I am at the end of a movie.

I am currently reading Henri J.M. Nouwen’s book on becoming the Beloved. This paragraph gave me a selah (pause and think on this) moment.

“To identify the movements of the Spirit in our lives, I have found it helpful to use four words: ‘taken’, ‘blessed’, ‘broken’, and ‘given.’ These words summarize my life as a priest because each day, when I come together around the table with members of my community, I take bread, bless it, break it and give it.  These words also summarize my life as a Christian because, as a Christian, I am called to become bread for the world: bread that is taken, blessed, broken and given. Most importantly, however, they summarize my life as a human being because in every moment of my life somewhere, somehow the taking, the blessing, the breaking and the giving are happening.”

Nouwen says that it is through these four words that he has “come into touch with becoming the Beloved of God.”

I want that.



2 responses

29 12 2007

Hi Coni!

I really enjoyed this post! As a matter of fact, I am reading Joel Osteen’s new book, Become A Better You, and as I was reading your post I was reminded of a section I had just been reading today. Here it is:

Understand that your value is not based on how somebody else has treated you or on how perfect of a life you have lived, or even how successful you are. Your value is based solely on the fact that you are a child of the Most High God. No, we’re not perfect, we make mistakes; we all have weaknesses. But that doesn’t change our value in God’s eyes. We are still the apple of His eye. We are still His most prized possession.

I believe Mr. Osteen has hit it right on the mark, once again.


29 12 2007

amen Hazel. Thanks for the comment love 🙂


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