Blessing or a curse?

27 12 2007

Back in the day, when I was still a drunky junky, my language could peel the paper off your walls. I dropped the F bomb like it was the word “the”. At an AA meeting one night my sponsor asked me why I swore so much. I had never given it a moments thought before that very second. I had no answer for him so he suggested that one reason might be that I had no respect for myself. What a bunch of crap. Who did he think he was, so almighty and goody, goody? His mouth was every bit as nasty as anything that came out of mine. I shared a new expletive with him and went home.

We all know that was not the last thought I gave to his remark. It played over and over in my head for days. Every time a curse flew out of my mouth, I thought, of the words “self respect.” A couple of weeks later I asked him to explain what he meant by that comment.

“It’s pretty simple. You don’t swear in front of your priest even if you only go to church once every year, because you respect him. Yet, you let filth pour out of your mouth in your own presence because you are not worth the same respect.”

Sometimes I couldn’t stand this guy. This was one of those times. I told him he needed a shrink and I skulked off.

I have lost contact with that sponsor of 30 years ago but those words changed the use of my vocabulary forever. Swearing lost its emphasis and wasn’t fun anymore after he said that. I would like to say that I never again uttered a dirty word but… oh well. Changes have never come overnight for me. First, I had to see a need to change. It was true that I did not feel that I was worthy of respect. Not mine, not anyone else’s.

My life has changed immensely since those days. When I gave my life to become a follower of Christ, I asked Him to help me use good words and not destructive words. Words that build up and encourage not mean words that tear down and discourage. God has shown me that He sees worth in me. He values me. One day, I would like to see what He sees when He looks at me.

I still slip every now and then. I have not mastered the English language yet but I am expanding my vocabulary. Sometimes I make up my own words in an effort not to use the old ones. I figure, if God values me enough to let His only Son, Jesus, die for my sins, I can respect myself enough to speak blessings instead of curses.



2 responses

27 12 2007

great post coni!


1 01 2008

I loved this


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