K.I.S.S.

Have you developed the habit of being honest with yourself?

In my past, I lived in such a fantasy world that I actually believed some of the lies I told. I lied about my age so much that I lost track of how old I was. Now, I understand that most people would just take the year they were born and subtract it from the present year but, I lied quite often about my birth year so I could get served in bars at a younger age.

One year, I was celebrating my 20th birthday in a biker bar that I had been frequenting for about two years. Someone let it slip that I was turning 20 that day and the bar owner kicked me out. On my birthday!! The legal drinking age at that time was 21. I thought he had no sense of humor at all.

The hard thing about living a life of lies is remembering which lie has been told to which person. I have never been a very organized person so I was constantly getting busted and then I would have to make up another lie, on the spot, to cover the last lie. When you really think about it, that was a lot of work.

The hardest thing was all the lies I told myself. I believed that I was worthless, ugly, and a loser. I believed that my life was always going to be painful and that some how I deserved that. I believed that, if there was a God, He must surely be mad at me. I allowed myself to begin to hate myself to such a degree that I did not want to live anymore. My life was just one disappointment after another. I thought it would always be that way. The next logical step was suicide. I made a few attempts. Some serious, some a desperate cry for someone to care about me.

How could I have missed it all those years? There were times I had put myself in situations that could have resulted in my death but, somehow, I got out alive. One day, I had to admit that God was real and His hand had been upon me for a long time. He was never mad at me. He was broken hearted that I had chosen to live my life without Him. He wanted to help me make healthy decisions for my life. He never expected me to get it right all by myself. He knew that most of the people in my life would abandon me or let me down at some point in my life. He never abandoned me. He had been my protector so that a worse fate had not overwhelmed me. He was waiting for me to find the Truth. He waited until I was exhausted by trying to run my life my way. He never forced Himself into my life. He waited. He always cared about me. He always cared for me. He created me with a purpose for my life.

When I was ready to surrender the control of my life, He began to steer me in a good direction. I found peace. I did not have to try to be some one that people would like. I was learning that I really was this person that God loved. I found comfort for the disappointments. I was not worthless. It was alright to cry, to be sad about some of the things in my life. I did not have to be the tough guy all the time. God believed that I was worth something. I found truth. No more lies. They were a waste of time and energy. I discovered THE Truth. Jesus Christ, the Way, the Truth and the Life. He is my Savior. Jesus paid the price for everything I had ever done that could separate me from the love of God. God sent Jesus to do that for me because God loves me.

I will never be abandoned again. God said that He will never leave me or forsake me. I am not kidding, He actually said that! The apostle Paul reminded me of that in the book of Hebrews. Paul said, “For He Himself has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

That is my Truth.

My life is a lot more simple these days. I don’t have to search my memory to recall which story I told to the person in front of me. My life is pretty much an open book. What you see is what you get. Take it or leave it.

That is how I Keep It Simple Silly. K.I.S.S.

Barter for it

In this time of (so-called) recession, I am learning how to be blessed and to be a blessing.

There are things that I need done around the house and yard that Ed and I can not get done by ourselves. There are friends of mine who can not find the $$$ in their budget to get their hair done. BARTER!

I have some great things on my resume but I don’t seem to have a knack for making it all concise. My friend has a talent for things like that and for creating a web page. Hair cut, color and hi-lights by Coni = fine looking resume and a web page forth coming by Carolyn. Oh happy day!

I am now looking for someone who needs a hair cut and has a leaf blower. One hair cut by Coni = a tidy  yard and Serenity garden when the leaves are done falling.

This is kind of fun.

It is October 3rd!!

Today is my birthday! That’s all. I just wanted to say it! In case some one missed it.

I love my birthday!

Prayer of a dreamer

Dear Lord,

I have allowed too many doubts to arise and cloud my vision.

The voices around me have overwhelmed Your quiet, sure voice and I have lost my way.

Where my heart used to ache to spend another moment with You, it now vaguely wonders what today will bring. Ambivalent. Bored.

Far in the distance I hear a familiar calling but I can not quite make it out.

I can not discern my way to the Voice.

Gentle Shepherd, please, lead me back to the path that leads me to You and to my destiny.

Amen

Around the corner….

I believe that we have turned a corner. Friends that see us out keep commenting on how good Ed looks. I have to agree as I have seen some color come back into his face and some weight come back onto his bones.

When he first got home from the hospital he was very weak and his face was absolutely grey. The struggle he has with his breathing was taking a huge toll on him while his body worked very hard to mend from a broken hip, two surgeries and blood transfusions. He couldn’t seem to stay awake for more than a couple of hours at a time and when he was awake he didn’t have a lot of energy to do much. Most of his energy was spent on physical therapy which, as it appears, has worked out well.

Lately, he has been walking more with his cane than with his walker. That alone helps him to look better because he is not all hunched over the walker. Carrying a ten pound canister of oxygen on his shoulder when ever he leaves the house is cumbersome but, hey, we are happy to be getting out. He is re-gaining his independence because he can drive again. He doesn’t fall asleep whenever he is left alone for more than 15 minutes. Life is exciting around here. hahaha.

We are people of faith. We have both been through a lot in our lifetimes. God is still on the throne of our lives and we are still madly in love with each other. We have turned a corner and it is good.

Spiders and Moles!

So, my garden is alive with spiders. I have to be really aware of where I am walking because banana spiders love to take up a whole path by running their webs right across the whole thing. For reference to that fact see my post entitled “Ah, Nature.”

Here is a different banana spider in a higher part of the garden.

I had to snap this shot because I was enamored with the way the sun illuminated the intricate work of the web. All my life, I have been really creeped out by spiders but, at the same time, I am fascinated by their artistry when the spin a web.

How do they do this from tree limb to tree limb? Amazing.

Okay, this one looks like it arrived on a space ship! He could be used as a weapon! I wonder if he was the prototype for the Mace in the days of knights and dragons.

I posted this pic on my face book and my friend, Emmy, said she thought it was called a crab spider. So, I googled crab spider and came up with some really strange looking beings and this guy’s picture was among them. The thing that is puzzling is that it is supposed to be indigenous to Florida. It has definitely crossed some borders to wind up here in NC. Carolyn says it is an illegal alien and I am inclined to agree. I don’t know which is the top and which is the bottom but this crab spider looks like it has a dual appearance. Maybe it is like a Jeckle and Hyde, one side dark and one side light. Or the two-faced character from the Dick Tracy comics.

Well, I titled this post Spiders and Moles. I do not have a picture of the moles that live in my yard But I just wanted to whine a little.

Do you know that moles are on the endangered species list? It is not legal to kill a mole, even if they do tear up your yard from border to border. I have been thinking, (I know, this could be dangerous). Since moles are an endangered species and I have an abundance of them living on my property, shouldn’t the government be funding me as a Mole Rescue Mission? I think the word has gone out to all the moles in my area that they can find safety and grass roots to eat in my yard.

Here is another question. Have you ever seen a naked mole rat?? No wonder they hide under ground! Hilarious!

So, when you are feeling bad about yourself, cheer up. You could be this fellow! And if I ever dug one of those up from my yard, I would have to break the law!

Hair for Coni by Coni (FCBC)

It is happening again. The creative juices are flowing and I don’t have a head of someone else’s hair to work on.

My new friend, Gracie, was going to come over today and we were going to change her hair color and hair style. We had discussed it at am AA meeting last week. She asked me what I would do to her hair if she would let me. Hahahah. I love that kind of a lead in. I told her and she was pretty interested in my opinion. Yesterday, she asked if I wanted to do her hair and so we scheduled her to come this morning. Well, she is feeling yucky today so thought it best not to come over. I really do appreciate when folks are thoughtful enough to keep their potential germs to themselves. The last thing we need in this house is a flu or a cold. So, thanks Gracie. We can definitely do this another time.

But… that leaves wanting to do hair stuff and no model to work on. So…. here goes.

This is me BEFORE!

Here I am … AFTER.

I was going for a subtle difference.

I love cutting hair.

Weight Watchers

It’s a new season in my life. Today is day one of my NEW Weight Watchers adventure. They used to call me a Life-time Member but that was back in the old days. I used to go to one meeting per week and get weighed in. I set a goal to reach 140 pounds and I reached that goal and kept my weight off for a few years. Now, 22 pounds later, I am trying weight watchers again. It is quite different this time because I will be doing my meetings online and weighing myself in each week. This fits my crazy schedule much better. Now, I have NO excuses when I go out of town to work.

Someone said to me today, “But what if you lie about your weight loss?” We both cracked up laughing because… WHO would I be lying to??? My jeans? I can hear me now, “Of course, I lost 15 lbs and 2 dress sizes. So, quit squeezing my waist and making me look like I have a muffin top!”

It feels like a completely different system using the points this way too. I have to educate myself all over again and get used to converting my food consumption to points. I am totally up for the challenge.

My Mom and I were Weight Watcher buddies once upon a time. I wish she were still with us so we could do this together again. We were pretty good at keeping each other encouraged and accountable. We walked the through neighborhood together three or four times a week. Not only did we get our exercise in but we had some great talks along the way. She told me stories about her growing up, about her and my Dad and what family life was like before I was born.  I learned  a lot about what my Mom was made of. Those will always be treasured times for me. And we shared a weight loss success story as we both reached our goal weight.

So, here I am again. About to embark on a NEW success story in Weight Watchers. I will keep you posted from time to time on my journey although I will try not to bore you with it.

In case anyone is interested, they are running a special online. You can check it out at WeightWatchers.com The only thing I am not crazy about is that they automatically charge you $16.95 a month for continued membership after your 4 months. So, you need to be mindful of that if you don’t want to continue in the program. You can quit anytime. They are, however, very up front about that and post it in a couple of places so you know what you are getting into. Please let me know if you decide to join. Maybe we can encourage and motivate each other and share recipes from time to time.

Get ready twenty extra pounds. You are going away!

Topping it off

I just have to tell you:

At the end of our already blessed day yesterday, our next door neighbor called to ask me the question of the day!

“Have you guys had desert yet?”

It took me all of two seconds to come up with the prize winning answer.

“Why, no we have not.”

Within minutes our favorite neighbors were at the door with a pan of peach cobbler. Oh, not just any pan mind you. It was a hot, just out of the oven, pan of peach cobbler. Mary had just made it and she said I could take as much as I wanted. Alright, wipe the drool off your chin as I assure you that we had a fresh can of whipped cream to top it off with. A day just doesn’t get much better than that!

Today, I planned my day around an AA meeting. I am starting to know some of the folks in AA now and makes it easier to go to meetings.

I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to stay home and be able to take care of my husband during this stressful time for us. The time has flown by and now it is time for me to get back to work. We are not independently wealthy enough for me to stay home any longer. I know that God has the timing all worked out. All I need to do is keep my head straight one day at a time and God will do the rest.

There is a saying I heard a long time ago that I am often reminded of. “Ninety per cent of life is just showing up.” Well, Lord, I am doing my 90%. Here I am, whatcha gonna do with me now?

1940s Rolls

This young lady walked into the trailer with straight, thick hair all the way down to her bra strap in the back. This is how she looked when I was done. Gotta love those rolls!