Journey to Fearless

25 05 2012

I am wondering what my next project will be. Will I work on another show or will I be selected as a contestant on a new television show I have submitted for?

I don’t know but I can tell you this, I am going to be 60 years old this fall and I am still strong and healthy and vibrant. There is a lot more in me to do and I am tired of playing things safe. Fear has no place in my life. That doesn’t mean I don’t have fear, but I will not be ruled by it. Being afraid of what other people think of me is such an energy suck and a waste of time. How can I ever walk in the destiny God has designed for me if I am worried about what someone might say behind my back. (And, they always say it behind the back because they themselves are afraid.)

When we got the diagnoses from Ed’s doctors that his liver disease was taking over more and more of his life, we continued to pray for his healing. We are people of faith and we believe that God can and does heal. We also know that we live in temporal bodies. Everyone of us has an expiration date. God gave us a birthday and he gives us a death day. No one gets out alive.

The sicker Ed got, the more fear rose up in me. So many questions. Can I do this? Can I comfort him on his death bed when the time comes? Will he suffer horribly? What will become of Coni without Ed? Fear, fear and more fear. God  kept leading me to passages of the Bible that said “fear not for I am with you.” “I will never leave you or forsake you.” “I know the plans I have for you…” “do not fear or be discouraged.” “God had not given us a spirit of fear…”  God spoke into my spirit, “Only be fearless. I have you. Nothing will overtake you.”

That is when I got the word tattooed on my wrist. Fearless. Not because I am, but because I want to be. It is what I aspire to.

In my journey, I have made a decision to eliminate the drama Mammas and Pappas from my life. I am praying for them, I still love them but I will not allow them to poison my life any more. Sometimes it is beneficial to love from a distance. I realize that I can’t help anyone who will not let God move in their lives. It is pure ego to think otherwise. God pulled me out of my muck and mire when I absolutely let go of everything in this world that I was clinging to. I can’t do that for anyone else, but I will try to help anyone who is willing to lean on God first.

So far, it is an interesting journey I am on.

 

 

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One response

25 05 2012
Fawn

I can so imagine you, taking a bull by it’s horns, pulling it into an eye ball to eye ball position & declaring “I will not be mastered by you!”

I love you & am very proud of you.

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