6 points to the bottom line

I am doing what is known as “day playing” on a local shoot here in Wilmington. The job is only one or two days a week which is a nice break in the action for me and allows me to stay home for a while. It is kinda boring though because I do not get to use my creative side. Some one else creates the hairstyles and executes the style. I simply go to set with the actors and TRY to make sure that they look consistently the same for the whole scene. I have no relationship with these actors who have seen several hair stylists come and go on their show. They have NO confidence in my skill and talent and so I am relegated to being a mirror holder for them while they fluff themselves or spray their own hair. 0ne out of five of the regular actors will actually let ME do their touch-ups on set. It is quite humbling. Especially after coming off a show that I had so much fun creating the looks for and I had the trust and respect of the actors and my co-workers.

The word that comes to me over and over on this job is discourage. Webster’s definition says: reduce the confidence of, show disapproval of. That is what happens to me on this job. I have to wonder how my confidence can so easily be shaken. I think it has to do with the second part of this definition; showing disapproval of. I am an approval junkie. If you ever want to get the best performance and the biggest smile from me, just give me some approval. I will do back flips to get approval. It makes me want to do better, to please more.

I remember being confused the first time I heard the term “people pleaser” used in a disparaging way. How could that be a bad thing? If it makes someone happy to make others happy, why should we not want to do that? Obviously, I am still somewhat perplexed by this. I enjoy seeing people happy. I love to laugh and I enjoy hearing people around me laugh. It is called joy. Ah, but if my joy is so dependant on whether or not a person approves of me, then it becomes an unhealthy thing. There will always be people that can not be pleased no matter what I do or say. I must find my approval and acceptance within.

I spent years in AA trying to learn how to be my own best friend. I learned many valuable lessons, such as:

1. Eliminate negative self-talk. ie:Coni you are an idiot. Can’t do anything right. -you get the idea
2. Treat myself with the same respect I would treat my best friend.
3. Realize that I can not do everything for everybody.
4. Learn when and how to say no.
5. Try to do the right thing.
6. Allow myself grace when I make a mistake.

All six of those points were revelations for me and helped me immensely but the bottom line is this:

1. I only have to please one person in this whole world. That person is God.
2. He is already pleased with me.
3. He approves of me.
4. He encourages me.
5. He never calls me an idiot.
6. He treats me like I am His best friend.
7. He can do everything for everybody.
8. He only says NO when it is not good for me.
9. He lavishes me with grace when I mess up.
10. He always does the right thing.

As long as I am trying to please God, I am doing what I should be doing. Now, my challenge is how to please Him while I am on this job.