I called my brother, Bob, 31 years ago because he had been sober in AA for about a year. My life was a mess. The night before, I jumped out of my sisters moving car and had a fight with her in a snow bank on the side of the road. Of course, I was so drunk that I barely remembered this the next morning. Everyone in my family was disgusted with me. I was disgusted with myself. I was completely out of control. The bar room brawls I had been in were numerous. I thought I was a tough guy. In reality I was broken, hurt and angry.
I asked my brother to take me to an AA meeting. He had come by every now and then and asked me if I thought I should do something about my drinking. This day I was ready. Imagine my surprise when he said “no”.
He told me that if I really wanted to get sober, I would have to get myself there and do what they told me. I was so mad at him that I made up my mind to do it without him. I would show him.
Today, I look back on the wisdom that he used and I am grateful. He knew that I probably would use his love for me to connive him and shoot angles with the program if he were around. Smart guy. God’s hand was all over that.
I called AA and made my first meeting on January 4th, 1977. My Mom babysat for Fawn. When I got home she and I played cards for a while. I was used to drinking all day and then, at night, I would drink a half bottle of NyQuil in order to sleep. I conned my Mom out of one of her pain pills so I could sleep that night. That was the last time I tried to get high on anything for the rest of my life. My first day of sobriety is January 5, 1977. Today, I have been clean and sober for 31 years.
God has blessed me. He has done an amazing work in my life. (the word amazing really fits here Don) He has healed me of so many broken places in my heart. I was elated to find a sign in one of the meeting halls that said “God don’t make no junk.” That became my motto to myself for a long time. There was a lot of work to do in order to get me to a place of social acceptability. One of my first lessons was that I did not have the right to beat people up if I disagreed with them. My mind was so messed up that I lost the ability to have a conversation and so if someone did something I did not like, I didn’t know how to say “don’t do that.” Instead, I punched.
I learned that some people would get offended if I cussed at a meeting. I was beginning to learn to respect people, and myself.
I eventually learned that the best way to keep sobriety was to give it away. It was paramount to my growth that I try to help others. I threw myself into the 12 steps that taught me how to change so I would never have to drink or drug again.
Perhaps the most important thing I learned was, and still is, that I must continue to grow along spiritual lines. I came into a relationship with Jesus Christ as my savior when I was 5 years sober. I continue to study and to learn about God and my relationship to him. He has a great sense of humor. How is this for a laugh? I hold an Associate Degree in Religious Education. True story!
I am so grateful for the life I have today. It is all due to the grace of God. Without Him, I have nothing.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference between the two. Amen
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